good advice.
say word (and click the image above).
now that it’s 2008 (new year, new outlook, new underwear, et cetera) i feel like i should impart some sort of wisdom to anyone stumbling across my site.
unfortunately, i’m not particularly wise. still, i’d like to think i’ve accidentally made a few sage recommendations to people over the years. i know for a fact that i’ve been the beneficiary of some. i love to collect words of wisdom from friends and even strangers. even if they’re not applicable to your life, they do speak volumes about the person imparting the wisdom.
below are the 5 best pieces of advice that i have to share. feel free to post some of your own below… i appreciate all the feedback i can get. it doesn’t matter that you received the advice from a silly-ass movie or from a bumper sticker, either. for example, once i saw a bumper sticker that read: don’t meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
really.
words to live by. here are my favorites:
5. always do sober what you said you’d do drunk…that will teach you to keep your mouth shut. /ernest hemingway
4. its only considered cheating if you get caught. /my h.s. football coach
3. appreciate the fact that the difference between love and sex is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. /dan rather
2. never break up with a girl on an airplane. /an ancient chinese proverb
1. never let the truth get in the way of a good story. /my dear old dad
******
there you have it. feel free to submit your entry below.
The correct advice to give is the advice that is desired.
When the legend becomes fact, print the legend
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
funny, because i was JUST about to invade uzbekistan…
1. always cover a newborn’s penis or you’ll get sprayed.
2. in the end, it is what it is.
3. 2 cups of water for every 1 cup of rice.
4. wax on, wax off.
5. people will always treat you the way you wanted to be treated.
That two cups of water thing is off. That’s not how real minorities make rice. You do it by feel, homie.
And these are the two best pieces of advice I’ve ever received:
1. No one profiles you in life, you profile yourself.
2. Never feel so special that pride over rides common sense.
Also, Never lend anything you can’t afford to give away as a gift.
Never take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.
Take life with a grain of salt, a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
“No boy is worth crying over. And the one who is won’t make you cry.” ~ Sarah Kane, age 10
huck – i appreciate that you’ve taken the rican/dominican chick to task on cooking rice. shes a princess, though. she just started cooking five minutes ago.
saucy – fuck that, i plan on living forever.
kara – shocking that your advice related to alcohol as opposed to prescription meds!
living forever can get boring….:)
“keep it simple, stupid”
be careful of the toes you step on today because they may be connected to the ass you kiss tomorrow.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick
*take that HOWEVER you please*
never take advice about your romantic relationships from your single, miserable friends. they obviously dont know shit- thus they are still single.
who the hell has toes on their ass, though?
Be honest with yourself- you are all you have in the end.
Always keep quarters in your car for parking.
Document your life while you still have your memory.
Take a moment to stop and smell the roses.
If you’re ever lost, turn around and walk back the other way.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAH fuckin jay…. u know what it means…
“No matter what he tells you he has in there, don’t go into the shed with your Uncle Bill” – My Uncle Dave
these comments have taken a dark, mean spirited turn.
well done.
Hey man, took me a minute but I got sober enough to remember some stuf I’ve seen on club bathroom walls while puking:
1. The woman you’re serious about is really 4 women: she’s the girl you dated. then she is a girlfriend. then she is a wife. and then she is a mother. Each of these women is different and unrelated to the other except in name.
2. Related to the first – when you go into a marriage, decide early on what matters to you and what doesn’t. But never share what you care about and don’t. Pretend you care about it all and ‘lose’ the fights over what doesn’t matter to you.
3. If someone offers you gum, take it.
i forgot to include one of my favorite pieces of advice EVER:
“never lose a fight to a midget. if you do, the next morning you will wake up to find that you have -become- a midget.”
/patton oswalt
I am ‘Stumbling’ at work. I just stumbled onto this particular blog post and I couldn’t be happier right now.
fresh.
you gave it the thumbs-up though, right?
(ps – this is to be done w/ all my posts…)
Duh. Duh.
Best advice ever given to me by an old drunk uncle:
“Boy, either be good…or be good at it!”