consumption addict

even though i am a ny giants fan, i absolutely LOVE clinton portis. i know pemora is with me when i say that clinton portis has got to be the funniest professional athlete around. if not the funniest, then certainly the most bizarre.

this week – with an improbable playoff game looming for the washington redskins – clinton portis has insisted that his teammate santana moss has become quicker and more aerodynamic. why? because of his recent circumcision:

…the showstopper was obviously Clinton Portis, who has been insisting all week that Santana Moss’s play has taken off since he was circumcised. He was at it again today, repeatedly.

“He had the big one. I told you, he tried to take a manly step at 29,” Portis said, overstating Moss’s age by one year. “After he took that step, his healing process, he’s getting better. He’s getting better every day.”

Later, Portis said how he had learned so much more about his teammates this year, in turn allowing him to be a better teammate. I asked what he had learned.

“Santana to go that long without getting his tail clipped, that was the most interesting to me,” Portis said. LINK

GRIMEY!

i love clinton, but blowing up his boy’s spot is like that is downright foul. FUNNY… but foul. still, funny is nothing new to CP. i’ve always been a fan how he does press interviews while portraying ridiculous characters in equally absurd costumes. my all-time favorite has got to be “southeast jerome,” but choo-choo is not to be slept on either:

sadly, those shenanigans are just the tip of the iceberg. portis has a whole collection of alter egos that you should take a moment to check out on his website.

i’ve never been one to criticize the next man for acting the fool. sure, it may be a distraction for some other players, but who cares? sports are supposed to be entertaining, and this cat definitely amuses. he’s sort of like the kool keith of athletes. so props to you, CP… like how you’re living. just be easy when you’re playing my boys twice a year, and i’ll stay rooting for you on general principle.

P.S. – clinton, i’m not so sure that aerodynamics work like you think they do. you may want to investigate that a bit further…