random face slappery.

bored?  just blame it on me.

people at work are forever asking me to entertain them.

i don’t get it.  what am i, a puerto rican jukebox of hilarity?  if you give me a shiny quarter am i supposed to dance for your amusement?   well here is the news:  its 2007, and i refuse to be your clown (sorry urban).  i will not shuck, jive, salsa, or truffle shuffle at your beckon call, people.  how about you bastards spend a little more time entertaining ME for a change?  i enjoy random face slappery (kinda).  the arbitrary bullying of caucasians is always a good time.   and i would never be mad if a co-worker decided to regale me with stories of his/her tragic encounters with the midgets of north america.   so lets get to it, work minions.  step your games up.

sadly, i suspect my call to action will go unheeded.

in the interests of giving the people alternative resources for entertainment, i submit to you a few interweb links worthy of your exploration.  the next time you feel the need to harangue me into amusing you – pause for that cause.  take a minute out of your humdrum life and visit this blog.  then click on the links below and enjoy.  if it all works out, i’ll see to it that a few more entertaining links get thrown your way.

the dullest blog in the world.
because really – what better way to lure work minions away from my sphere of hilarity then to direct them to a boring blog?  still, whenever you’re feeling particularly annoyed with work i implore you to visit this site.  its sort of like watching paint dry.  only, its the most boring color paint.  on the most boring wall.  ever.  coat after boring coat.  again and again.  until you wither and die.  that’ll teach you to bitch about your job, jackass.

prepare to absently stare.
in my days as a troubled youth (read: last year) i was known for dabbling in the occasional hallucinogenic substance.  now, i am by no mean suggesting that you partake in such illegal activities while at work.  heaven forbid.   but if you have ever visited those dark caverns found deep within the recesses of your brain, you might just find this site eerily familiar.  be sure to resist the urge to drool while staring absently at your screen.

five minutes to kill yourself.
every once in a while something at work will occur that pisses me off so much that i  feel compelled to inflict bodily harm on myself in order to drown out the pain of my miserable existence.   at those moments one of two things will happen:  1) i stage a full fledged adolescent temper tantrum, or 2) i visit this site.  let me tell ya…nothing soothes the soul like watching a virtual version of yourself bash its face in with a stapler.  good times.

gizmodo*
i don’t have a particularly flashy car.  clothes?  ninja, please.  if left to my own devices i’d rock the same gear every day until it became threadbare, and then buy the exact same thing to replace it.   what little money i do have typically goes towards buying tech gizmos.  gizmodo is my new go-to spot for checking out the tech dork goodness.  what better way to waste away the hours of your life than to discover new items to dream about conSPICuously consuming?

(*no affiliation with the furry critter from “gremlins” should be inferred)

table of malcontents.
i’m not quite sure how i stumbled upon this blog.  it’s quite possible that i was looking for cthulhu porn, and happened to discover this site.  nevertheless, T.O.M. is chock full of sketchy artwork, bizzare videos and random factoids that you will be sure to enjoy.  at the very least you can palm off the knowledge acquired on this site as your own, and pretend like you’re actually quite creative intelligent.  oh, fuck…i just snitched on myself.

still not satisfied?   selfish pricks.