midgets and mojitos.

let the sun shine in.

a friend of mine is having some issues with detoxing herself after a recent gruesome experience with martinis. it just so happens that i know a thing or two about polluting your own body. it has been my experience that having a good laugh releases serotonin and other neuro-transmitter goodness into your brain, which in turn makes you feel less ill.

just think of it as turning your own body into a chemistry set. but in a good way this time. confused? just shut up and laugh at this:

the wonderful world of weng weng.

a few observations regarding this video…

• first and foremost, big ups to alfred for enabling my midget fetish.
• i want to ask the women who portrayed weng weng’s hoes if they were thoroughly creeped out by being felt up by tiny person hands.
• why would you run away from a midget on a motorcycle? thats exactly the sort of thing you run TOWARDS just so you can brag about seeing it to friends and loved ones later on.
• the floating razor blade hat of doom? gangsta. lets see jack bauer fuck with THAT.
• the song is actually pretty fresh. the first rapper sounds eerily like big L. maybe dude pulled a tupac/elvis/hayzoos resurrection act? curious.
• funniest line in the song: “weng-weng-weng-weng 2-foot-9, he’ll kick you in your nutsack from behind.”

when alfred emailed me this link, it capped off a surreal evening of midget related controversies. our office got together for happy hour at el carmen in hollywood (a fine place for enjoying midgets and mojitos). i’m not quite sure how the topic was introduced, but the conversation progressed to the point where 2 of my supervisors – “D” and “K” – were inquiring about my fascination with little people. naturally, i regaled them with the story of señor littlejeans.

after my supervisors moved past their initial feelings of horror they proceeded to tell me about THEIR favorite t.v. midgets. “K” is a big fan of the midget trotting the globe on “the amazing race.” “D” is fascinated by william shatner’s midget concubine on the show “boston legal.” i’ve never watched either of these shows, but rest assured they are now programmed into my dvr.

then the midgety phenomenon was kicked up a notch. i was standing outside the bar having a smoke with KC and Alan, when another chick from our office came careening out the front door hollering my name.

KATI: (out of breath) we need you to come back inside the bar immediately. it’s COMPLETELY urgent.
RICAN: why? what’s wrong?
KATI: there’s an actual midget in there.

the first thing to pop into my brain were the words of john leguizamo:

“did god give me a coupon?”

i bolted past the messenger and sure enough there was a tiny mexican named lil’ jorge busing tables and making tall people grin. ok, i’m making up that name…and yes, he was probably not really a midget (more like a dwarf, really…and certainly no weng weng). still, there was a tiny little person in my midst and i was thoroughly pleased. sadly, dude had to work so i couldn’t interview (or torture him) him for the purposes of this blog. i may have to re-visit el carmen to make that happen in the future.

anyway, thats my midget story. hope it brought a smile to your face sunshine. feel better…and no more slappery!